I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back.The boy couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years old.The cashier said, “I’m sorry, but you don’t have enough money to buy this doll.”Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ”Granny, are you sure I don’t have enough money?”The old lady replied: ”You know that you don’t have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.”Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.“It’s the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.”I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry.But he replied to me sadly. “No, Santa Claus can’t bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.”His eyes were so sad while saying this. “My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.”My heart nearly stopped.The little boy looked up at me and said: “I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.”Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me “I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won’tforget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn’t have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.”Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. “Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?”“OK,” he said, “I hope I do have enough.” I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough forthe doll and even some spare money.The little boy said: “Thank you God for giving me enough money!”Then he looked at me and added, “I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so thatmommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!”I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn’t dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.”“My mommy loves white roses.”A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn’t get the little boy out of my mind.Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.I couldn’t stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister
is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
There. I said it. I’ve been thinking it for a long time, holding my tongue - but I can’t hold it any longer. The entire Harry Potter franchise pisses me off. The books, the fans, the movies, the theme park - every aspect of it infuriates me.
Sometimes, I feel like the only person in the entire world that realizes these are children’s books. The movies, like the books, are for children. The only thing that gives me any relief about this whole thing is knowing the books are done, and I only have to endure the hype behind two more movies.
Let’s start with the books: People would wait in line, overnight in tents sometimes, just to be the first to read the book all the way through. They’d cheer and hurrah that they could finish the book in 24 hours. Was that supposed to impress me? It’s a fucking children’s book! Of course you finished it quickly. I’m quite sure I can finish reading an entire Highlights magazine in less than twenty minutes, but no one would really be impressed with that, would they?
The books have simple, predictable plots filled with magic and completely fantastical ideas. Writer J.K. Rowling has the vocabulary of a 14-year-old, and supplements her lack of vocabulary with words she completely makes up. This is all swept under the rug as creativity by her fans. Motherfuckers, you can’t just make up words. If any other writer did that, they’d be laughed out of the industry.
The characters, in both the books and the movies, are completely unrealistic. If Harry Potter was some hotshot famous kid, he would have developed a drug problem and washed out before he ever hit year five. He’d be so hooked on blow even magic couldn’t save his life. Secondly, why the fuck would he ever choose a firecrotch? I mean, c’mon - Hermione is Emma Watson. Even if she had AIDS, most straight men would do her without a condom.
Ron is some loser ginger from a loser ginger family. In real life, he and Harry would have never been friends. Famous people can’t hang out with gingers. Plus, his character is whiny and obnoxious. Harry couldn’t have picked a shittier wingman.
Then there’s Hermione. There is no way her character could have existed in reality. She’s a “muggle”, and her parents are both dentists. She’s endlessly self-conscious and looking for approval. If this book were anything close to reality, she would have the whore of Hogwarts. She’d be the book-smart closet whore. She’d always need attention, and would find that attention in the form of cock. She probably would have fucked both Harry and Ron, driving a wedge in their friendship, allowing Voldemort to take over the world. But, I get it - it’s hard for an author to write a book about some whorish girl who can’t control her legs enough in time to save the planet. That’s not “kid-friendly”.
Lastly, Harry Potter’s main enemy is a predictable copy of the bad guy from the first Karate Kid. Ice-blonde hair. Blue eyes. His last name “Malfoy”, makes him easy to point out as the bad guy, because “Mal” = “bad”. He’s a bad guy, his dad was a bad guy, and his whole family seems to just suck shit in general. Every time he says anything, it’s negative, and then he storms away like a teenage girl on her period. However, everyone at Hogwarts seems oblivious to his ulterior motives. He’s the shittiest bad guy since Nicholson did the Penguin. No one seems to care. In real life, if he was as bad as everyone said he was, he would have sodomized Hermione in the girl’s bathroom in year four, while Nearly Headless Nick videotaped it on his camera phone.
Then it got worse…
After the books and the movies, I thought it would be over. I thought, “Awesome, now the world can get back to normal.” But no, there needed to be a theme park. You know, because it’s important that everyone be able to pretend they’re a wizard. We’re all adults here, right? If I said I was going to a Star Wars theme park, everyone would laugh at me and call me a loser - because it’s silly to want to be an astronaut fighter pilot that can do magic. However, if you want to pretend you a middle-school loser from England that can do magic, that’s completely okay.
At the end of the series, Harry gets his chance to play Jesus. He can use his life to spare to lives of everyone else on Earth. That would make perfect sense. I can see the protagonist in this role. However, since it’s a children’s book, everyone wins. Harry gets to live! Hurray! Of course, seven books in, it would end like because it’s a children’s book. There must be a happy ending. Harry gets to have his cake AND eat it too. Maybe J.K. Rowling will write an eighth book about how Harry becomes a super-celebrity prick after defeating the Dark Lord. That would make it all worthwhile.
I’d love to see Harry and Hermione get wrapped up in a sex scandal in the eighth book, or “accidentally” post some naked pictures on Twitter like Hayley Williams did. That’s what teen-stars do. They act like retards.
If you are a grown man or a grown woman, and you love Harry Potter, you, like Harry Potter, are a retard. That’s all I’m trying to say. With so much amazing literature available to you, I think it’s sad that so many adults waste their time reading not one - but SEVEN children’s books.
Next time you walk into a bookstore, try to avoid the section that says CHILDREN on the sign above it… unless you’re a child, or a pedophile.